15th October 2011

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Happy Birthday N.

Tomorrow is N’s third birthday! I can’t believe he is going to be three - it just doesn’t seem like that much time has passed. It’s so amazing to me to look back and see how much he has grown. He isn’t the little chubby baby I brought home from the hospital.. He’s a little boy now and wants to do everything on his own. His new favourite thing to say is “I can do it on my own mommy, don’t help me.” Cute, right? Then I end up with peanut butter smeared all over the counters or cereal everywhere because he can do it all on his own.. When it comes to cleaning up he’s usually “broken” though, figures.

 Tomorrow is all about N. He is having his first party with people other than family and I know he will be so excited about opening his presents and having fun with his friends. I already know he’s excited about the cupcakes - I’ve caught him a couple times now trying to sneak one..  ;)

With all the craziness that is going to be going on tomorrow I’m hoping that I won’t have time to think about anything except keeping everyone entertained. I’ll always have the thought in the back of mind wondering what his father is doing - does he even remember that it’s N’s birthday? Will he be thinking about him at all tomorrow, or any other day for that matter? I’m obviously not expecting a card, call, or present from him since he doesn’t know where we live or our number.. For the third time though I will be checking my email every chance I get like I have been doing for the past two weeks hoping there’s something from him telling me to wish N a happy birthday.. Or something, anything. 

I thought it would get easier, eventually I would be able to move on and just focus everything on N but not so much.. He asks where his daddy is or why he doesn’t have a daddy a lot, I have a rehearsed answer in my head but somehow I completely forget it when I actually have my two year old standing there waiting for an answer. I don’t have the answer though.. I don’t know why he doesn’t have a daddy, I don’t know why someone wouldn’t want to know this amazing little boy. 


19th July 2011

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Confessions of a Lazy Mama.

I like to think my parenting style is “attached” and “crunchy” style but in all honesty, I’m just a lazy mama! So here goes, all of my confessions in one big, long post!

I breast fed my son because it’s healthier and makes sense (human milk for human babies!) Really though, the other half of it was that I wasn’t about to drag my ass out of bed in the middle of the night to mix bottles, or spend my time cleaning bottles. LAZY MAMA.

I continued to breast feed past a year until my son self weaned because it was the easiest and fastest way to get him to sleep, calm him down, and get cuddles! When he weaned himself at 15 months I was sad because I needed to find a new method to get him to sleep, calm down, and steal snuggles - that’s not to say that I wish he hadn’t continued breast feeding for the health benefits. LAZY MAMA.

I co-slept before I even knew what it was called. During the newborn stage I kept a stack of diapers and wipes right next to the bed for those middle of the night changes. And well, my breast is always attached to my chest. So, I learnt how to change diapers half asleep, rolled back over, popped it in his mouth, and back to sleep I went. LAZY MAMA.

I did not use the CIO or “sleep training” method for bedtime or nap time because I didn’t want to read up on the “proper” way to do it. I also didn’t want to spend 30+ minutes a night listening to my child screaming and crying when I could lay down with him for 10 minutes tops and have him passed out (not to mention every mama loves snuggles!!) LAZY MAMA.

I re-introduced the pacifier to my son when he weaned from breast feeding at 15 months. I did this because sucking comforted him and helped him go to sleep easier. Yep. LAZY MAMA.

I allowed my child to keep using his pacifier until he was exactly 2.75 years of age. At which point he decided to give it up on his own. I never tried to take it away from him before because I liked the insta-calm it seemed to provide the both of us.LAZY MAMA.

My child is rarely wearing anything other than a shirt and diaper, some days even just a diaper. Reason? Makes diaper changes at least 10 times faster, I don’t have to change his shirt every time he eats, and I get to do less laundry! He is of course dressed when we leave the house. LAZY MAMA.

And last, but certainly not least: My 2.75 year old son is NOT potty trained. He will remain un-potty trained until he shows me signs that he is ready to potty train. I refuse to spend my day taking him to the potty every 20 minutes just to have him cry and fight me because he is not ready. Just as with everything else I do in my parenting he will learn to use the potty on his own terms and no one else’s. LAZY, LAZY, MAMA.

The “crunchy” and “attached” parenting styles really “go” with what I do but I didn’t set out to be those things, I set out being lazy and I love all the choices I have made and don’t regret a single thing.

12th June 2011

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Words to Live By.

I have come across this quote and I just love it so much. It makes so much sense and has really opened my eyes to reality. I need to let go of this image in my head of what a family is supposed to be and just be happy with what I have. I have the most amazing son, he is my entire world. I have made a lot of mistakes in my life but N was never one of them.

So from now on I will be living by these words. I will also be sharing these words with N when he asks about the other half of his family, and I hope that they (the words) can provide the same thing for him as they have for me.

‎”If someone wants to be a part of your life, they will make an effort to be in it. Don’t bother reserving a space in your heart for someone who doesn’t make an effort to stay.”

8th June 2011

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The Right Thing.

How do you know what the right thing to do is? What happens when what you thought was the right thing to do turns out to be wrong? What about when there are two different options that are both right for various reasons? What do you do then?

I want to make things right but I’ve reached out so many times that I don’t know what else I can do. I wish there was some way to look into the future before making a decision to know how it will work out.

I’m going to take a leap and just hope that there is water waiting at the bottom and not rocks.

8th June 2011

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try to never grow up.  <3 

try to never grow up.  <3